Intimacy and Relationship Counseling
Honolulu, Hilo and Hawaii Telehealth
The word people use most is not "conflict." It is "lonely."
Lonely in the marriage. Lonely next to someone in the same bed. You do not fight much anymore, which sounded like progress until you realized it was because you stopped bothering. You talk about the kids, the bills, whose turn it is. You do not talk about you.
If that is where you are, nothing is broken beyond repair. You have drifted, and drift is fixable. It just does not fix itself.
What we mean by intimacy
It is not only sex, although that is often where the distance shows first. It is being known. Feeling wanted. Being able to say the hard thing without it turning into a fight or a silence. When that goes, the physical part usually follows, and then each of you privately decides the other one does not want you anymore, and neither of you checks.
Why couples wait too long
Most couples come to counseling years after they first needed it. They wait because admitting something is wrong feels like the first step toward ending it. It is the opposite. The couples who come earliest have the most to work with.
In Hawaiʻi there is an added layer. When families are close and everyone knows everyone, it can feel like there is nowhere private to be honest about your marriage. A counselor's office is that place.
What we do
We work with both of you together, and sometimes with each of you alone. We help you say the things you have stopped saying, and hear the things you have stopped hearing. Our couples work draws on approaches including the Gottman Method, which is built on decades of watching what actually separates couples who make it from couples who do not. You will learn how to have the hard conversation without it going where it always goes.
This page is for you if
You feel alone in your relationship and cannot explain why to your partner
You have stopped touching, or sex has become something you avoid
You talk about logistics and nothing else
One of you has said "I'm not happy" and the other did not know what to do with it
You are considering ending it and want to be sure before you do
You are not married, and this still describes you
How to reach us
Call (808) 640-6252 or send a message through our contact form. We see clients at our Hilo office, our Honolulu office, and by telehealth anywhere in Hawaiʻi.
We are in network with HMSA, HMSA QUEST, HMAA, UHA, and Blue Cross Blue Shield.
